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Last year, one of my racquetball buddies mentioned that she thought I had signed up for the NM Doubles tournament. There's another player that has the same first name that I do.....she asked the organizer if I had signed up, and he said yes ~ only it was our newest player on Wednesday nights. Not me. So, she ended up playing the tournament with her anyway (because that's the kind of person she is, very nice). I always felt a little guilty for sort of letting her down, so I asked if she wanted to play this year. It's a weekend tournament, but it still takes up most of the weekend, especially if you play in different divisions.
So, we began on Friday night. It went ok, we should have just wiped the floor with the team we were playing, but neither of us was playing very well. We still managed to win. The next day, I'm still not "on" ~ meaning I just couldn't get past the anxiety of playing a tournament. It had been about 2 or 3 years since I had played in one. I was, again, not "on". I made so many stupid mistakes, I was wishing someone would hit me on the head with a racquet and put me out of my misery. It went to a tiebreaker, which is where I really sucked. We lost. Worse than that, I became very frustrated with one of the players on the other team who seemed to stand in front of me every minute. Which they aren't supposed to do, but the ref wasn't calling her on it. Whereby I grabbed the back of her tee shirt in an attempt to get her out of my way. When she turned around to walk back to receive (after the point) I made an ugly face and faked hitting her with the racquet. Even now, I'm so embarrassed. I really lost it. I'm not sure I'm ever going to play in a tournament again. I apologized, and she was very gracious about it. Still, I think I'm done with tournaments. I don't want to put myself in a position where I'm that ugly person again.
I suppose it's good to know one's limitations. Although I know that everyone else has likely forgotten about it already, I know I will bring the image to the forefront of my mind and chastise myself over it for awhile. This is one of my worst habits. I call it emotional flagellation. I won't forgive myself for a long time after everyone else has. Now I just need to find a way to move on.
Love, 365
Well it's not like you actually hit her with the racquet.
ReplyDeleteThat would be more satisfying, and then when you have guilt, it would be for a better reason. :)
I'm just full of admiration for someone who can actually play, well, anything. Decrepitude has already gotten the best of me.
:::sigh:::
We all have our talents.....I could never have the patience to do what you do.
DeleteBut I really appreciate your comment because you make it sound like I have restraint, haha.
I think it is great that you realize the stress of the tournament or the competition brought out something in you you don't care for. That is far more important than winning, because you're winning in life. I think you're awesome and I realize that doesn't mean a hill of beans to you but just know that you are a nice person or you wouldn't feel guilty.
ReplyDeleteWell of course it does! Thanks for having faith that I wouldn't have brained that woman.....there were times I wasn't sure, lol.
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