The "gift" that keeps on giving......

Gambel's Quail

A few weeks ago, I boasted that I "dodged a bullet" ~ at least as far as catching the cold that everyone seems to have.  I lied.  I've had this damned cold for 2 weeks now.  Coughing, feeling miserable, sore throat, etc.  Just about the time I think I've licked it, it comes back for a day or two, then I feel OK again.  Yesterday I felt fine - still blowing my nose, but otherwise OK.  Today it feels like it never left.  Coughing again, headachy, stuffed up.  When I woke up this morning, my throat felt so sore.  It feels better now, but really?  I'm sick and tired of this bullshit.  I just want to feel well again.  I've heard from others that it will linger on for 3 weeks, so according to gossip, I have one more week to go.  Crap.

Thursday was Judy's last day at work, and considering she quit, I was surprised at her warm send-off. I didn't think they would do anything for her, but we were treated to lunch (at the office), and there were a few stories about her time with us.  I thought I had prepared myself, but found myself becoming teary-eyed after she left.  Of everyone in the office, I feel closer to her than anyone.  We often went to lunch, and did our power walks during lunch (until the weather turned cold anyway).  We promised to stay in touch, and get together.....but truthfully, I would be surprised if it turned into more than once or twice a year.  She has young kids, and lives on the other side of the mountain from me. Our lives would never had intersected if it hadn't been for working in the same place.  Despite all of this, I wish her success.  Sandia Laboratories is an awsome place to work.  She tried to encourage me to apply as well, but I am happy enough where I am, and I know I wouldn't have as much spare time for school....even though she noted they pay for college, I looked through the information and pointed out that anthropology classes wouldn't be considered as integral to a job as an office assistant.  Her classes are in business, which she is well suited for.

So, other than the stupid cold, and Judy's departure, there's not much going on.  It's been very cold here....it was 17 degrees yesterday morning.  I just don't like being cold....or having one, ha ha.

Love, 365

Why I don't share much....

I guess I was 1 or 1 1/2....wish my hair was still that curly...

I really don't remember if I was a talker at age 4 or 8 or 12....but I do know that my teenage years I ramped up my communications to include nearly everything.  I loved to talk, unless it was to my parents....we had a very strained relationship that isn't part of this post.  But I could spend hours on the phone, or spending time with a friend.  I wasn't comfortable in a large group though.  Anything that interested me came out of my mouth.  I confided in friends constantly.  Even into my 20's and 30's I would tell my friends almost anything.  

Then, it happens.  You tell someone something and they share it with someone else ~ or worse yet, share it with their own little spin, making what you said sound stupid, or insensitive or inacurate.  Stories fly, and the next thing you know you're humiliated in front of a group of your peers ~ or your boss.  It's nothing truly horrible, but it's knowledge you didn't intend for EVERYONE to know.  For me, this sort of sharing intensified my shyness.  It painted a spotlight on me that I didn't want.  And you learn not to share.  Not to be open.  Not to express your opinions....because I didn't want to be made fun of, or belittled.  So, now I rarely ever come right out and express myself, even when (in hindsight) it would have benefited me to do so.  

I have a co-worker ~ a guy who is a hygienist, and holds on to his UK citizenship, but lives here and has since he was in his late teens ~ who is very opininated.  Especially about our political system.  Today he kept trying to pry out of me my opinion about Trump.  Finally, I said that I wasn't comfortable commenting, and he said "yeah, that's what people are doing, not talking about it".  I was relieved, because I truly don't enjoy politics at all.  I barely understand it, and have no desire to understand it.  And truthfully, I felt a bit insulted that someone who doesn't even want to become a citizen of this country is so free in his condemnation of our politics.  Not that his opinions aren't shared by a great many, but it still bugs me.  Of course, he has every right to have his opinions and express them ~ he doesn't need to be an American to find fault.  Maybe it bugs because most of the time he isn't talking about how good we do some things, but how awful we do some thngs.  Perhaps one day I will ask him why he refuses to become naturalized since it's obvious he doesn't have any interest in returning to England.  Maybe I just need to lighten up, ha ha.

But my point in all of this rambling is how sad it is that the way we sometimes treat others may have consequences like the ones I experience.  I could change, sure.  But that fear still influences me to keep my mouth shut and opinions to myself.  Unless it's about shoes.

Guess I better work on that.

Love, 365

Sick day.....

Well, remember me saying I "dodged a bullet"?  Turns out that isn't quite true.  I woke up this morning feeling lousy.  I called in sick and took some ibuprofen.  Stuffy, dizzy, headachy.  I did feel better later on, but don't feel bad about missing work today.  The plus is that I'll only have to deal with work for 3 days then this week....guess I can handle that.  I think I'll have to keep ibuprofen on hand though, because I don't think it's over.

I accessed my class today, although it turns out I could have done it yesterday.  Already have 2 articles to read and two lectures to listen to....but I want to read the articles first.  The professor has a TA (teaching assistant) who will be grading our weekly postings.  I guess I'll just have to wait and see how that goes.  

I can't miss racquetball tomorrow, because they'll be doing the birthday party thing for me.  I missed it last year because of a migrane, so I simply can't miss it tomorrow.  Hopefully I will feel good enough for racquetball.  If not, I'll just go and hang out.  Don't wanna miss my cake....

Love, 365

Waiting for the repair guy.......oh, here he is!

A reasonable faxsimile of my treadmill.....

It cost about what I expected.....so I'm satisfied.  BUT ~ when he came in and started it

it started....wtf?

I did try it again, the day after I tried it the first time and it didn't go.  I tested the little magnet thingy that you're supposed to clip to your shirt, so that if you fall off....(go here for a laugh)...it stops the machine.  Well, I tried any number of things  ~ like hitting the stop button, etc. ~ but I couldn't get it to go.  Ah well, perhaps the universe is trying to tell me that, yes, it needs maintenance.  I've probably had it for 5 years, and it's supposed to have said maintenance once a year.  So....I slacked a bit.  Ha ha........

Tomorrow, class starts, and I suppose I'm ready although I don't have my notebook put together yet.  I suppose I'll do that today, and check that I have enough ink in my printer as I'll probably have to print a bunch of stuff.  There's always a feeling of hope when a new semester starts that your classes will be interesting and engaging instead of just a list of shit you have to read and be tested on.....

Well, hope you all have a lovely day!  I'm just gonna sit back and enjoy.

Love, 365

Gloomy Sunday morning.......

Yeah, it's a crappy photo, but normally there would be a view of the mountains.

So, this is the weekend for reviews of our out-going and in-coming presidents.  One FB post I read said we should all boycott the inauguration, I was a bit surprised that anyone ever watches it.  I have never watched it.  It's like any of the award shows....it has no basis in reality.  Although it might be fun if something silly happened, and I must admit we have a higher chance of that happening with PE Trump.  Maybe his hair will flop over and we'll see just how bald he must be.

Speaking of comb-overs, I was taking in a few of the old Star Trek reruns, and noted that Pavlov Checov (Walter Koenig) had one hell of a comb-over.  Funny that I never noticed it before considering that I used to be an avid fan of the show in the 60's.  

I'm expecting a repair guy to come and work on my treadmill tomorrow....I've been given an "estimate" ~ one hour of repair plus the trip charge (gulp) ~ depending on what they say, I may not have a treadmill anymore.  I don't think it'll be much, because (ha ha) I haven't used it much this past year and probably just needs a bit of maintenance work.  If it's totally gone, I will make arrangements to dismantle and remove, but I won't replace it.  It takes up too much room in my already cramped mom-cave/office/depository of crap.  

Miracle of miracles....I found the cookbook I purchased in New Orleans on Louisiana gumbo and soups.  I have been looking for it for about a year, and I made up my mind that this weekend I would either find it or buy another one.  And there it was in the armoire (which we use as another depository of crap) on the bottom shelf.  It puzzles me that I didn't see it the other 8 times I went looking for it.  It wasn't even hidden (there are 2 rows of books on the bottom shelf).  ??????

My semester break is almost over.....school starts on Tuesday.  I'm taking an online class, so I don't have to worry about driving anywhere.  Considering it's winter and the occasional crappy driving conditions, I'm really glad I can sit at home in whatever comfy/ugly/sweatpants or pj's conglomeration I want to wear.

Well, gotta get ready for racquetball.  Last night I wasn't feeling very well, headachy and a sore throat...I thought I might be coming down with the crap that has been going around (the gym sounds like a tubercular ward, and we've had a few people at work that were sick too).  I took some ibuprofen and went to bed and this morning I feel fine.  So it was either nothing, or I dodged a bullet.  

Love, 365

Unhealthy obsessions......

Over the holidays Roku offered 3 month trial periods for several different Roku apps ~ like Showtime, etc.   We've had HBO (while watching the current season of Game of Thrones), but it becomes quickly apparent that other than their original programing, the movies available are the same as everywhere....we already have Amazon prime, so after Game of Thrones was over, we cancelled the subscription until the new season comes around...
Anyway, I chose Showtime since I haven't had access to their programs for a long time.  And I came across this:

I watched a couple of episodes....repulsed and entranced, I kept watching.  Dexter is the weirdest antihero ever, as a serial killer of serial killers ~ he takes care of the bad guys.  The show is long over ~ I believe the last episode was Sept. 2013.  Apparently the show was nominated for Emmy, Golden Globe, Saturn, Screen Actors Guild awards.  Since I watch what I watch, I had no idea.  Never heard of it until 2 months ago.  It makes me anxious to watch, since it seems that Dexter is always on the verge of being discovered.  I admire the creativity of the show....although it's definately not a prime time material.  Too bloody and violent.  So, until I've run through the series, it's my guilty pleasure to watch and wince.  

Love, 365

Are you happy with our healthcare system?

How I feel when looking at insurance options.....

I for one will be keeping a close eye on healthcare options in the coming year.  I don't think that P.E. Trump will be able to make any appreciable changes right away.  But, out of curiosity, I checked to see what I could get.  Pictured below are my LEAST expensive options.  

Notice the deductible?

And the very top one is Medicaid.  Yep.  Good luck finding a Dr who is accepting new patients.

So, this is what it would cost me to get insurance.  Admittedly it would be cheaper if I were in my 30's.  And people wonder why I chose to go without before Romeo found work?  We were barely getting by.  We'd have to cut out food and gas $$ to afford for me to have insurance ~ with a $7,000 deductible.  The Presbyterian plan is an HMO..again, good luck with finding a Dr who is accepting new patients.  Especially in New Mexico, where primary care physicians leave more often than not.  Before Romeo was laid off from a job he had for 12 years, we had Presbyterian, and now through the school system we have it again.  During that time we have had 4 primary care physicians with Presbyterian leave the system.  

I have been "catching" up with Dr appointments, like ye ol' pap smear, oncology, bone scan, mammogram, etc. since we've been insured.  Since I don't know if Romeo will be able to find a position teaching for the fall before this school year ends, I need to keep it going and schedule the rest of my preventive care appointments done before the end of May.  I suppose that older American's are expected to just simply pay through the nose because we are more likely to need care.  And I've had breast cancer in the past, so I suppose they consider me at a higher risk, although I don't know if it would be much cheaper if I'd never had it.  

We will be paying a penalty for my lack of insurance.  I don't really know how much it will be, but I've heard that the penalty is $695 for a year....Perhaps it will be less for us since I did finally have coverage by Sept. 1.  Still, if you calculate it, it'll be nearly $500 for the penalty if they figure it monthly.  

All I hear on talk radio is how many people will lose their insurance if Obamacare is dismantled.  I don't want that to happen....but something needs to change.  

Love, 365

Ain't it fun?

Icy roads made for a nasty commute on Friday morning....

At least I made it to work safely, these folks weren't so lucky.

Thursday night, we had sleet first, then snow...which was better for ice skating than driving.  Why do people who have 4 wheel drives think that they're ok to drive fast?  4 wheel drive isn't much help with ice.  

Friday morning I was watching the report of how bad the roads are......and waiting for my boss to text me that we can come in later (like 9 or 10).  I continued to get ready for work, but kept watching my phone for the word to come down....but it never did.  I was, truthfully, a little bit surprised.  We have a "snow day/bad day for traffic" policy in our manual.  So, I figured we would receive word.  

NOTHING

The news reporters kept repeating "don't go out if you don't have to".  And truthfully, we only had one patient at 7am, which we certainly could have called and had him come in later on.  And my bosses are really pretty good guys.  Very considerate.  So why?  I guess I'll never know, but I white knuckled my steering wheel the entire drive that morning.  The good part: it was really early (6:20am), so there weren't many people on the road....but omg was it slippery.  The bad part: the aforementioned idiots who think that having 4 wheel drive means they can drive faster than the rest of us that just want to get where we're going in one piece, which means 20-25 mph.  And white knuckles on the steering wheel.  I barely got through my first traffic light...when I gingerly touched my gas pedal, I started sliding sideways.  Stopped & tried again with the same result.  Finally got it going, but is likely the reason I had such a death grip on the wheel....which I know doesn't DO anything, but I couldn't help it.  Neither could I help my irritation that I put myself at risk for one stupid patient.  So, wasn't very cheerful when I arrived.

As is usually the case in Albuquerque, by the time I left work at 3pm, the roads were fine ~ dry, with a few patches of ice here and there.  And at least the boss bought our lunch today.  

Be safe out there!

Love, 365

Happy New Year to all of you!

(Bing)

Well!  Here we are, another year is currently flushing down the sewage pipes, while a new one is climbing up.  Ok, that wasn't very optimistic, was it?  I am looking forward to the new year actually, with hope ~ like most of you, I imagine.  

Romeo and I started off this evening with a bang ~ we got into a shouting match, and now we are both avoiding each other.  I give it another 30 min to an hour.  Not the best way to start a new year.

Unfortunately the weather is about as wonderful as the emotional atmosphere.  It has been alternately sleeting and raining for the past hour.  Ugh.  Glad I am not out in that.  

As I mentioned in a previous post, I am not much of one to make resolutions, but I have a couple that I plan to work on.  The gym today was pretty quiet ~ mostly the "die hard" type that are always there lest a pound or two creeps up on them during the holidays, with a few newbies (mostly women, are you surprised?) trying to get into the hang of improving their fitness, or to lose some weight.  Based on past years I've noticed that about 90% the newbies will hang in for a couple of months, then qietly disappear.  Making time for the gym is not easy when you've spent years avoiding it.  It's tough this time of year when it's so blasted cold outside, along with the rain/snow/sleet that was happening 30 minutes ago, to simply go outside for a walk.  Not fun.  Dog walkers know what I'm talking about, because there's no gym for dogs.....hmmmm, that might be a great idea.  Oh, wait, I think that's called doggy day care, which is riduculously expensive.  I suppose it beats having your couch chewed up when you get home from work though.

Happy New Year & Be Safe Out There!

Love, 365

Friday musings

Castle in Stuttgart, Germany (Bing)

Talk about isolated.....

It's Friday, and I have the day off from work, which is quite welcome after the craziness of the past 3 days.  Everyone wants to use the last of their FSA money, although truth is they have until March (usually) to use up the $ put aside.  And, getting that filling done, or onlay (or whatever) before they have to meet their deductible again.  Not to mention the filling/onlay/crown that came out, and the most memorable ~ a six year old who was chewing on a marble and broke his baby molar to the gumline.  "I really have no idea why he was chewing on a marble"  Yeah, well, kids do crazy stuff and there's usually no real reason why, lol.  He will be in next week to have the rest of the tooth removed and have a space maintainer put in, because teeth have an unsettling habit of moving around when a space opens up.  I'm sort of surprised he isn't having pain with the exposed nerves, but he was a happy little guy, throwing his bouncy ball over the desk at least 4 times.  I surprised him by catching it 3 out of 4 times....what can I say, racquetball really sharpens the reflexes.

My coworker that will be leaving in January was off this week, so it was particularly crazy with one less person.  I'm glad she had the week off, especially after all the crap she experienced regarding PTO (paid time off).  Will our absent OM be surprised (when she gives her notice)?  I doubt it.  In my more cynical moments, I see purposeful manipulation.  I have lost a lot of trust in her over the past month.  

I am still on break from school, which won't start back up again until Jan 17th.  I have two classes this semester, an online class in anthropology "human behavioral ecology" (whatever that means) and a history class "post revolutionary Mexico".  The history class doesn't start until mid March, but when it does, my schedule will ramp up to crazy, as it's a 10 week class, where many classes are 16 weeks.  It sounds like a good idea, but I may hate myself for it once class & homework/study begins.

In a very short 8 weeks I'll be traveling to San Antonio, where most of the immediate family lives.  I don't normally make resolutions, but I have two ~ lose 5 lbs (so cliche, isn't it?) and get a little personal counseling.  I've been having some rather dark thoughts and a bit of self loathing and I need a little bit of help.  It would be nice to find tools to improve my confidence in my dealings with others, as it gets a bit old as a door mat.  

Love, 365

And so this is Christmas......

Our tree...

I was reading Ami's story about Christmas past, which of course made me reminisce of my own past Christmases....when I was a kid, Mom always made sure the my sister and I had lots of presents under the tree.  She didn't discuss it when we were small, but as an adult, she admitted to me that she really never had gifts, other than maybe an orange or some clothes that were handed down from her older sisters.

Wait.

An orange?

I mean, thats storybook type stuff.  My Grandparents were farmers in Pennsylvania.  They had 8 kids.  My Mom was the second to youngest.  From what I gather, my Grandparents were extremely frugal.  One memory that comes to mind ~ Grandma didn't like peppermint, so saved all of it in a jar to give to my sister and I when we came for visits.  It would be mostly stuck together, but dang, there it was. There were a few hand me down toys in a box under the old secretary desk we could play with, which is probably why we did stuff outside.  One summer my Grandmother cleverly sent the two of us to pick wild strawberries so that she could make jam for Grandpa.  Have you ever picked wild strawberries?  They're like the size of the tip of your pinky.  

To have enough to for jam, well, we were out there for hours.  Like I said, clever.  But I digress.

My Mom obviously wanted us to have lots of gifts under the tree.  She said she saved all year long, and probably put things in layaway as well.  Our gifts weren't expensive, but there were plenty.  I have photos of us opening gifts, but my sister has all those slides that we keep talking about having digitized but haven't done yet.  One memorable year we had dolls with cradles, and an ironing board with an iron that actually got a tiny bit warm when you plugged it in.  In that particular photo, my sis is in her pajamas, and she had obviously wet the bed that night, so she'll probably want to can that shot.  Isn't it funny that my parents didn't make her change so that the photos wouldn't show it?  But wow, it's for real, so I recall it fondly ~ although I wasn't the one in pissy pajamas, ha ha.

These days we don't go to far out in gift giving.  My sister and I only exchange birthday gifts.  Next year I may agree to join the gift exchange, but I keep saying no in case I get a name for someone that I have no idea what to get.  I have enough trouble with the family I do buy for!  And now that it's just Romeo and I and other than #2 son who is 33, I really don't want to decorate.  Romeo wants it, so it's there.  This year he said he would put up all the stuff, but as we had to have it, I didn't want it up the week before Christmas, so I ended up doing it again, the weekend after Thanksgiving.  

So, although my family is as dysfunctional as most everyone else's, I have wonderful memories of Christmas as a kid. I hope my kids look back and feel the same....I did pretty much what Mom did, although I wasn't as good about saving all year.  

I hope you have a great Christmas, no matter what traditions you enjoy.

Love, 365