Why I don't share much....

I guess I was 1 or 1 1/2....wish my hair was still that curly...

I really don't remember if I was a talker at age 4 or 8 or 12....but I do know that my teenage years I ramped up my communications to include nearly everything.  I loved to talk, unless it was to my parents....we had a very strained relationship that isn't part of this post.  But I could spend hours on the phone, or spending time with a friend.  I wasn't comfortable in a large group though.  Anything that interested me came out of my mouth.  I confided in friends constantly.  Even into my 20's and 30's I would tell my friends almost anything.  

Then, it happens.  You tell someone something and they share it with someone else ~ or worse yet, share it with their own little spin, making what you said sound stupid, or insensitive or inacurate.  Stories fly, and the next thing you know you're humiliated in front of a group of your peers ~ or your boss.  It's nothing truly horrible, but it's knowledge you didn't intend for EVERYONE to know.  For me, this sort of sharing intensified my shyness.  It painted a spotlight on me that I didn't want.  And you learn not to share.  Not to be open.  Not to express your opinions....because I didn't want to be made fun of, or belittled.  So, now I rarely ever come right out and express myself, even when (in hindsight) it would have benefited me to do so.  

I have a co-worker ~ a guy who is a hygienist, and holds on to his UK citizenship, but lives here and has since he was in his late teens ~ who is very opininated.  Especially about our political system.  Today he kept trying to pry out of me my opinion about Trump.  Finally, I said that I wasn't comfortable commenting, and he said "yeah, that's what people are doing, not talking about it".  I was relieved, because I truly don't enjoy politics at all.  I barely understand it, and have no desire to understand it.  And truthfully, I felt a bit insulted that someone who doesn't even want to become a citizen of this country is so free in his condemnation of our politics.  Not that his opinions aren't shared by a great many, but it still bugs me.  Of course, he has every right to have his opinions and express them ~ he doesn't need to be an American to find fault.  Maybe it bugs because most of the time he isn't talking about how good we do some things, but how awful we do some thngs.  Perhaps one day I will ask him why he refuses to become naturalized since it's obvious he doesn't have any interest in returning to England.  Maybe I just need to lighten up, ha ha.

But my point in all of this rambling is how sad it is that the way we sometimes treat others may have consequences like the ones I experience.  I could change, sure.  But that fear still influences me to keep my mouth shut and opinions to myself.  Unless it's about shoes.

Guess I better work on that.

Love, 365